What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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