I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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