do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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