In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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