just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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