new low.... made out with someone while peeing
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
