i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
