I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
