i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize