I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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