What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
God, I missed his penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
