So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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