You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
