Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
