This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.