i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dignity is for republicans.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.