as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick