Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just threw up on my dentist
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂