o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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