Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not