oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I looked at my own cervix.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is