Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
