All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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