My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
