the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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