hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
