Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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