Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
