Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
