I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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