Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Randomize
