he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
