Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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