Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
