one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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