I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
