Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize