I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
