Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
