Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
