yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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