i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
