my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
