totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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