Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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