Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
