im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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