my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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