So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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