I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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