things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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