and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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