just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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