I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
