I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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