Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
