i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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