You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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