And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
