mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
