I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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