My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
