My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
