the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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