You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
