I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
