I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm getting married
To pizza
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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