Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
