the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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