"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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