for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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