Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
